Christmas means to me...
Christmas eve, as I sat up at about 2 am with my mum wrapping present after present, which would only be ripped open 6 hours later by my younger siblings before I'd even be capable of peeling my butt out of bed, I realised, "what a waste." I mean, you put all of this time and energy into wrapping stuff and making it into a work of art all its own, and it simply gets destroyed. And then, there's so much of it. The paper is gorgeous, but it all gets tossed away...how totally environmentally unfriendly! To be perfectly honest, I'd just assume have a couple of presents wrapped to open, and the rest of them unwrapped with maybe a bow. And then there's also the thing about so many presents. My sister and I came to realize that she nor I can remember what she gave me last year. Not to mention, if you think about it, most of us budget and save and cut back and restrain from buying things all year, and then the holidays come around and there's this rush of mass consumerism and materialism where everyone winds up with a load of stuff they don't want, given to them with the best of intentions by stressed out friends and family members who busted their butts to make sure everyone had something. Not to say that all gifts are like that, but everyone knows that stress. I didn't really know it until this year...my mum and I were pretty much working double shifts so to speak since my dad is gone, I had exams, we're both trying to pick up the slack and make up for the lack of the extra adult in the house, and for all the stress, everyone in my house except me was sick for Christmas. Now, since I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to take care of everyone, I'm getting sick. That can't happen.
Now don't get me wrong...this Christmas has been far from doom and gloom. Oddly enough, despite my dad's absence, for the first time in my life, the place in my heart that has felt empty on every Christmas since I was about 12 years old felt as if it had been filled. That empty place was reserved for an extra person...someone not really a family member. Last year it wasn't as much of a void as it had been, but it was still lacking since I did not get to spend at least part of Christmas close to the person who could complete the empty spot. For all of the insanity that was behind all of the presents that everyone gave me, the best present of all was finally feeling that fufillment and spending part of my Christmas with someone whom my sister teased is "practically part of the family anyway." Granted I pitched a ball of wrapping paper at her and told her to shut up...but she had a point.
This was far from the perfect Christmas...my whole family wasn't together, the family that I had was sick with the flu, and we were all tired and miserable. However, there are still good things about this Christmas that I'll always remember...how my mum wanted to make it a great Christmas even though she knew it couldn't be perfect, how the rest of my family who we were going to spend part of Christmas with for all practical purposes postponed Christmas dinner until Friday so we can get better, how I finally came to see Christmas in the view of an adult instead of a child - that presents don't matter as much as presence and the love with which something is given, how the void in my heart was finally filled, and how I realized how much I love all of those close to me. As much as I am excited about some of the prizes I recieved, I'd have given them all up just to have all of my family, all of the people I consider family, and all of my friends together just to spend time together, eat, and be merry. That is what Christmas means to me.
Music and Magic,