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Thread: Help with a "relationship" issue, please

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ceridwen View Post
    You can love and be in love with more than one person. Its my personal opinion that humans were not meant to be monogamus (sp?) Insinct can still dictate interaction between sexes. Other then that I am a firm believer in soulmates.. not that you have just one but that you have many souls you touch and are touched by deeply through emotional connection, past lives etc. Its possible you've met one of these many unique souls you were meant to connect with even a bond of friendship can be as strong as that bond with a spouse but its the boundaries you draw that make a friend or a lover. Just because you feel the way you do does not make you unfaithful or love your SO any less. Perception and boundaries are a defining quality in any relation no matter the title of that relation. Why question you love over each of them it will only confuse an cause disharmony. Be open and honest with yourself and you SO and things will find a way of showing the right path in which these relations should be.
    It's okay to be attracted to or even drawn to someone that is not your partner or SO. However, unless you have a standing agreement of a polyamorous relationship, you shouldn't entertain those desires. I argue that monogomy is natural ... I couldn't imagine being with someone other than my SO. She's my best friend, my lover, mother of my child, etc... she's the whole package for me. There is no 5%

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Phoenix AZ
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    5,795
    You know, sometimes friends can be more intimate than lovers. You seem to have some obsession with this guy. If he hasn't contacted you for a while, and you are with someone - best thing to do is let is lie. In fact, you have already been unfaithful to your SO with this person. (unfaithful doesn't necessarily mean you did the nasties). You think about this guy, you spent time with him. The folks were right - you were having an affair, you just weren't ****ing him.

    If, as you say, you would never leave your SO for this guy - then leave it alone, don't call, don't write, don't see him.

    Once you mess up a relationship or loose the trust, you can never really build it back. There is always that grain of doubt.

    The above advice is if you are monogamous.

    If you and your SO are polyamorous, then get the two guys together at some point and discuss what everyone wants and is willing to accept.
    Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting; "HOLY SHIT!!!! What a ride!"

    A celebrant of nannymas and sarabethvmas

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    37
    I honestly think I knew him in a past life or he is someone of importance "on the other side" because of the odd connection with him.
    Like I told someone through PMs, there is no way I am interested in having "relations" with him. I dont find him attractive on that level and Im pretty much Asexual..

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    New Jersey
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    50
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    33,446
    Quote Originally Posted by Chaos Hawk View Post
    One time when I was discussing relationships with a friend of mine she was in a similar type of situation. She had a really unique perspective though. She said that: "When your with someone you love they may meet like 95% of your needs. Then you run into to someone who meets that missing 5% and suddenly that looks so amazingly great because it's what you've been missing. But in reality, often you are throwing away 95 to gain 5 and that's not a wise trade."
    I agree with this,
    Sadly, many relationships, GOOD RELATIONSHIPS end over that missing 5%,

    There is a danger of being too close, even on a purely platonic level with someone else. You start to isolate your significant other, and then when you get to the point where you run to the friend for emotional fulfillment rather than your significant other, that is the ultimate result. It can happen..

    It is not fair to your signifcant other or the friend and can lead to disaster.

    My advice is to just let it be, focus on your current relationship
    Last edited by Xander67; December 2nd, 2010 at 09:24 AM.
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