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Thread: Help with a "relationship" issue, please

  1. #1
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    Help with a "relationship" issue, please

    I have been with my SO for 7 years now. We are happy and have 2 children together. Well about 2 years ago this guy kind of randomly came into my life via mutual friends. We grew very close. **The first night we spent together (not like that!) I had just finished having a convo with him and closed my eyes to go to sleep when I saw a neon etched lion (im guessing with my 3rd eye) roaring, not in an aggressive way.
    Now, I am in NO WAY a promiscuous person. In fact I am bordering extreme shyness. With this guy I was open with him from just the second I started talking to him. I loved spending time with him! He just made me so happy
    Well everyone started talking and putting thoughts in each others heads (including my SOs) and thought we were having an "affair" with this guy but for me it was never anything like that.

    Fast forward and now hes overseas in the army and I havent talked to him in months and months, deleted my facebook (not because of him just in general)...
    Well for the past couple of days hes just popped into my head. I get a sad longing feeling to talk to him
    I tell one of my friends about it and they say 'Oh, his FB says hes coming home on leave in a couple of days!'
    Coincidence or ....?


    I just dont know what to do or whom to consult about reaching out to him. Should I? Should I not?
    I try to ask my Guides but maybe they are the ones who put the thought of him in my head?


    Any advice?

    **Just wanted to add that "the night together" was a party at a friends house and there were people sleeping all over. I was on one end of the couch and my SO on the other and friend was on a pallet on the floor
    Last edited by SarahFair; December 1st, 2010 at 03:51 PM.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by SarahFair View Post
    I just dont know what to do or whom to consult about reaching out to him. Should I? Should I not?
    The question you really need to ask is whether or not you truly love your current SO. Because, if you DO go see this guy while he's on leave you will be sacraficing the trust and possibly relationship with your current. My advice, put the man out of your mind and quit trying to find the serendipity around him because this one man could ruin your current life.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pagan Warrior View Post
    The question you really need to ask is whether or not you truly love your current SO. Because, if you DO go see this guy while he's on leave you will be sacraficing the trust and possibly relationship with your current. My advice, put the man out of your mind and quit trying to find the serendipity around him because this one man could ruin your current life.
    I agree.
    "Writing is as vital to me as breathing. Without it, I wouldn't be living, only exisiting." ~ Me

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  4. #4
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    One time when I was discussing relationships with a friend of mine she was in a similar type of situation. She had a really unique perspective though. She said that: "When your with someone you love they may meet like 95% of your needs. Then you run into to someone who meets that missing 5% and suddenly that looks so amazingly great because it's what you've been missing. But in reality, often you are throwing away 95 to gain 5 and that's not a wise trade."
    So tie me to a post and block my ears
    I can see widows and orphans through my tears
    I know my call despite my faults
    And despite my growing fears

    But I will hold on hope
    And I won't let you choke
    On the noose around your neck

    And I'll find strength in pain
    And I will change my ways
    I'll know my name as it's called again
    ~ Mumford and Sons (The Cave)

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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaos Hawk View Post
    One time when I was discussing relationships with a friend of mine she was in a similar type of situation. She had a really unique perspective though. She said that: "When your with someone you love they may meet like 95% of your needs. Then you run into to someone who meets that missing 5% and suddenly that looks so amazingly great because it's what you've been missing. But in reality, often you are throwing away 95 to gain 5 and that's not a wise trade."
    That is a really great perspective! I'll admit, with a daughter of my own (4 months old) and two step-kids, my life at home is pretty routine and often monotonous. Me and my SO try to keep things interesting, but lets be honest ... it's hard to always be new and exciting. Sometimes it's just routine. However, I would NOT change that for the world. I dearly love my SO, I love my kids (yes I'm including the step-kids), and I very much enjoy my life. If it were exciting and new ALL the time, then exciting and new would become monotonous

    Take time to really look at your SO and look at your children, and ask yourself if you REALLY want anything to change. If you've already had the stigma of "affair" painted across your interaction with this other guy, then seeking him out after 2 years would definately raise suspicion.

  6. #6
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    I would say, without knowing your whole situation, that if there have been rumors of an affair you should first, before anything else address this with your SO. Do not leave him assuming or guessing or hoping. If all you truly feel for this other guy is friendship and you're positive that's all you'll ever want, make that point to your SO and if you want to go meet this guy, why not offer your SO if he wants to come? From what I understand, you all are mutual friends. So long as your SO is okay with your friendship and trusts you, and more importantly you trust yourself not to violate your SO's trust, I don't think that getting in contact again could be a bad thing.

    But like Warrior says, if this is going to be something that could influence your current relationship negatively, and you're still hung up on it, you should start looking at your SO and your life to make sure there isn't something that's bothering you that you're not admitting to yourself.

    All that said, your deities may or may not have put thoughts of him in your head again. I usually find it's random synapses activating a schema that has him attached to it, that it's just your brain re-organizing and re-filing, especially if it hasn't been that long of a time apart. I recently, randomly, had a thoughts about an old friend from grade school who I haven't seen in, well, let's just say well over a decade, who then contacted me out of the blue--that I attribute to the universal consciousness and cosmic irony, but just thoughts of a person you miss? Could be your deities, could not, but I hardly think there'd be an problems meditating over it.

  7. #7
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    No, I KNOW I would NEVER leave my SO for this guy. I really appriciate my SO and I could tell him 'Hey Friend is back in town lets go see him' and hed probly be fine with it. Everyone knows nothing happend, even my SO.


    I know my OP was a little confusing but so are my thoughts. Im just wondering if Im suppose to still learn something from friend and that is why hes back in my head. Like... Ive never felt such a spiritual connection with someone (and hes not even a spiritual person). I felt like I could have a whole convo with him without ever saying anything to him.

    Honestly Im wondering.. When he first left I wasnt able to say goodbye to him. Im wondering if Im not suppose to go see him to tell him goodbye because maybe hes going to die this time around...?
    Maybe hes got some kind of weird words of wisdom Im suppose to hear. Something odd like that.

    Its not like any way I am trying to leave my SO for this guy. Hes WAAAAAAAY to....unstable....for my liking

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quantum Witch View Post
    All that said, your deities may or may not have put thoughts of him in your head again. I usually find it's random synapses activating a schema that has him attached to it, that it's just your brain re-organizing and re-filing, especially if it hasn't been that long of a time apart. I recently, randomly, had a thoughts about an old friend from grade school who I haven't seen in, well, let's just say well over a decade, who then contacted me out of the blue--that I attribute to the universal consciousness and cosmic irony, but just thoughts of a person you miss? Could be your deities, could not, but I hardly think there'd be an problems meditating over it.
    You see I always have some "Cosmic Irony" going on. Recently I was with a group of friend when I had asked 'Hey do you guys remember the band LFO?' well the next day one of the band members died.

    It can be that distant or it can be 'Hey have you talked to my sister?' *Ring* shes calling on the phone

  9. #9
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    Stop over-thinking this. No, really. You're over-thinking this. So you saw a neon lion in your mind's eye with this guy. How many things have you seen/felt/known/sensed about/with your lover, the father of your children?

    By all means, mention it to your SO, and do say something like, "Would you like the three of us to go out to dinner/coffee?" and see where it goes from there. It doesn't hurt to suggest it, and you'll probably regret it if you don't.

    Also, I shouldn't indulge trains of thought like, "if I say goodbye he'll die, but if I don't say goodbye..." but...

    Say goodbye. If he died, and you never did, you'd regret it. It might even haunt you. But for Pete's sake, don't TELL him you're saying goodbye because you think he's going to die. Don't even tell YOURSELF that's the only reason. That sort of thing can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    "The cosmos is also within us, we're made of star stuff.
    We are a way for the cosmos to know itself."

    Carl Sagan, as quoted by The Symphony of Science

  10. #10
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    You can love and be in love with more than one person. Its my personal opinion that humans were not meant to be monogamus (sp?) Insinct can still dictate interaction between sexes. Other then that I am a firm believer in soulmates.. not that you have just one but that you have many souls you touch and are touched by deeply through emotional connection, past lives etc. Its possible you've met one of these many unique souls you were meant to connect with even a bond of friendship can be as strong as that bond with a spouse but its the boundaries you draw that make a friend or a lover. Just because you feel the way you do does not make you unfaithful or love your SO any less. Perception and boundaries are a defining quality in any relation no matter the title of that relation. Why question you love over each of them it will only confuse an cause disharmony. Be open and honest with yourself and you SO and things will find a way of showing the right path in which these relations should be.

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