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Thread: Never ending potty training

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Never ending potty training

    Ok, this is the problem: My daughters just turned 3 in November. I have been trying to get them potty-trained for nearly a year now, and it's just not working. Just when I thought I was making some progress, something comes up, like when I started college this month and they had to start day care. I talked to the director of the day care center, and asked if she would help in getting them to go. Of course, I can tell that doesn't happen, and I don't expect them to bear the responsibility.

    I have gotten them to the stage where they will urinate in their potty, but trying to get them to poop is just not happening. Anybody have any suggestions? I'm willing to try anything at this point!
    "Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness, experiencing itself, subjectively. There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather!"
    - Bill Hicks, 1961 - 1993

  2. #2
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    Ahh, potty training. OK, I have the dreaded words that you have probably heard/read a million times... They'll train when they are ready.... I promise, they will.

    The pooping does seem to take longer for kids to get down. I have had lots of friends have their child pee trained but not poop trained for several months later. (Only one mom can say these words to another and not feel like a complete idiot! :o )

    Some of my friends have tried the bribery "Get a toy for each poop in the potty" type deal. Others didn't mind putting a diaper/pull up on for the child to poop in.

    Let them bring in books, take their time,make sure their poop is soft (lots of fruit and all). Other than that, it is just developmental. They are still young too- peds don't get concerned until they are way past 4 and not pooping in the potty. And they don't seem concerned about night wetting until they are at least 6.

    Sorry I am not more help.

    Chris

  3. #3
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    Wow, that sounds a bit backwards to me. Pooping is usually easier because they have more control over that function.

    This might sound really strange because it's similar to housebreaking pets but it worked for me - and I know it will be hard when you're not at home. A friend gave me the idea of setting a timer for 20 minutes after the child eats or drinks to remind yourself to remind them. It takes about that long for them to have to go.

    It also sounds like your girls are having to go through some changes with you, and things like backsliding on the potty training are some ways that little ones who can't express their emotions like adults might show their distress. I like Chryssi's idea of a reward system. One way to do this is to get a big calendar and put big symbols on the days that they do well. When they have a week of success, plan a treat such as combining something they want with some quality time with you, such as a movie, etc. Kids are very visual. When they can see seven big smiley faces or stars in a row, it helps them take pride in their success.

    Remember that they're only three, and make the goals short-term and achievable. If you're consistent, it should pay off.
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  4. #4
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    yeah, you would think that it would be easier with the pooping, because they can hold it. But for some reason, psychologically, more kids have trouble with the pooping. I have one friend who's son asked for a diaper to poop in for almost a year after he was pee trained.

    The 20 minute deal never worked with Scott- he was never regular at all and still isn't. And unfortunately he gets himself pretty constipated from holding it too long.

    Dextra, I hope that you find a way to make it work with the girls. Sometimes just giving them a break and coming back to it fresh can help.



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  5. #5
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    Believe it or not, potty training is a major factor in child abuse. I just can't imagine parents getting that upset about it.

    Another factor sometimes is just who wants the child potty trained. When my boys were very little, I left my ex-husband (for the first or second time) and we stayed with my mother. SHE thought that my oldest should be potty trained, and he was just not ready. To make matters worse, she got upset if he had accidents and wet on her floor or couch. I finally went off on her and put him back in diapers. When I relaxed about it, he practically trained himself.
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  6. #6
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    My experience with potty training...

    Erica is 4 now. I started potty training her while I was pregnant with my second, Erica was a few months shy of 3. She knew what the potty was and had even peed in it a few times by chance. The hardest thing with her was that she'd rather sit in a peed/pooped diaper all day than let us change her. We had to fight every time to change her diaper. I'd put her in panties and she'd hide in a corner and pee somewhere and I wouldn't even know she was wet till she came to sit on my lap (eeewwwwwwww! LOL) Anyways, little by little she started telling me when she had to pee. Then eventually when she had to poop. I don't know, somewhere in the middle I had the baby and Erica regressed a little but she advanced back to where she was on her own, at her own pace. That's all you can do. Your kids will tell you when they're ready. They're on their own timeline, not yours unfortunately! LOL Be patient. I know it's hard and it's frustrating but just be persistant and consistant. What worked for us was every hour taking her and sitting her on the toilet for 5-10 minutes and let her try to pee. Alot of times she did...sometimes she missed. Once she climbed up on the toilet and peed on the seat becuase it wasn't open but I still told her how proud I was of her because she was RIGHT THERE! It really was cute even though I had to clean it up. Good luck and don't get discouraged or else your child will too.
    Ending what needs to be ended...begining anew

  7. #7
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    I think the best advice and attitude I've read about toilet-training was from Dr. Spock's book of child care. To paraphrase; all children are most anxious to please and imitate thier parents. When a child is developmentally ready, it will happen without any intervention on your part. This was absolutely true for my three kids, a son and two daughters....all grown up now. I was happy and relieved to not create an area of conflict and work over something so darn simple. With each child, I simply bought brightly colored underwear and put them where the child would 'find' them. Of course each one asked...'what are these?' 'Oh, that's what kids wear when they decide they are done wearing diapers. You will be done with them one day, too...when you are ready.' I think the ages for all three kids was around 3 or 4. Yes, I 'parked' a booster seat on the toilet so it would be easy for the child to climb up and get on. We had a brief discussion about wiping and I kept a step-up in front of the sink so handwashing was easily done. Ignore the 'accidents'.... praise any effort, and don't make a big deal out of it. Before you know it, it's done. I never tried the 'rewards' thing, 'cause I didn't expect to reward the kids for what would become routine behavior.
    One tip we found helpful (and humorous) was remembering that when kids first start using toilet paper, they will use LOTS! So we keep a trashcan next to the toilet for that....otherwise, our plumbing would have suffered continuously. There were also some references to what we would call a 'lucky' poo....(very little residue on the body) I still chuckle when I remember finding a lot of tissue in the trash and hearing one of the kids say...'ya, it was an unlucky poo, mom.....' I like the entry about being patient and keeping a sense of humor. That's so key. Good luck, and use the opportunity to boost your kids' self-esteem. Believe it or not, they want very much to do everything exactly like you do.... Being thought of as capable and knowing when they will be ready is a strong vote of confidence for little ones. Sounds like this is a time with lots of changes, so be patient with them and yourself. I hope this is helpful
    "Loving Unconditionally doesn't mean loving when the conditions are right; it means recognizing that Love is the only condition."


  8. #8
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    Well.. My mother and father bribed my daughter with earings like her's. (diamind hearts) She wanted them soooooo bad and when my parents said she couldn't have them (my parents NEVER says no to her wants) my daughter decided that she was going to go in the potty, and that was it. No more diaper. She had a few accidents but went mostly in the potty. She was a little over two then. So my advice is to buy something they want.It doesn't have to be anything expensive. Make it something special. Just let them know that when they are ready and go on the potty they can have it. Don't force it. My daughter wanted the earings bad enough that she decided ( I didn't ) that it was time to be a big girl.

    I hope this helps.

    Wyshbringer
    All I know is my wife is witch and she can't cast a spell to make my teams win!!!....

  9. #9
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    Update! :D

    Thanks for all the advice! Things are going much better now. Jackie has been going to the potty for a good week and a half now, no accidents! YAY! Joey is going a little slower, but she's getting there. I give her another couple of weeks or so, and she'll be caught up with her sister. I'm just in awe of the money I'm saving for not having to buy pull-ups! Those things are even more expensive than diapers!
    "Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness, experiencing itself, subjectively. There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather!"
    - Bill Hicks, 1961 - 1993

  10. #10
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