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Thread: I am in desperate need of advice.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    West-by-God-Virginia
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    30
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    662

    I am in desperate need of advice.

    H'ok. I've been working with this guy for well over a year. We've had a bit of chemistry, and recently we've taken to texting each other. Mostly just jokes and stuff, progressed to minor flirting. I'm attracted to him, and lately he's been telling me he's the same way.

    Sounds really, really great. In theory.

    He's starting to talk about "hanging out." (For language purposes, let's just leave it at that. ) I want to except for a couple of things--and I can't decide if I'm being paranoid, or if I'm just trying to come up with an excuse not to "hang out" because it's been well over 2 years since I have (the dating scene is rough, ya'guys).

    First, and foremost, I don't exactly know what my feelings for him are. I can't tell if I just want to be physical with him, or if I want something more which is something that really shouldn't happen because he's a LOT older than I am, to the point where it bothers me. Physically, not so much, but I don't see our personalities and the age difference working in the long run.

    Secondly, I'm TERRIFIED of getting pregnant. I'd definitely be on birth control if the decision was made to go ahead with it, and he'd definitely be required to do his part--but it still terrifies me.

    Probably the biggest consideration I'm having is how will this affect me? I've never been the kind of girl who can just be physical and leave it at that. Again, it's been years since I've tried and I've changed a lot. But I'm worried that this may do something to me emotionally.

    And then I have the opposite voice telling me that I'm just being paranoid and maybe I should just do it, or just say no and either way it'll be over with.

    Gah. Any thoughts? Also, I hope I didn't post anything inappropriate?
    "Be evil--you smile more."

    --Brady, our beloved GM, during a WoD session.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Saskatoon
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    35
    Posts
    318
    I'm of two minds on this:

    1. If you're having this much doubt and worry, then there's no point in putting yourself through more of this. Perhaps you two could just be friends or acquaintances and not let it progress beyond that. This is win-win because you ditch the anxiety and you gain a friend.

    2. If you do just want to be physical with him, there's nothing wrong with that. Life is short, and we are so totally allowed to enjoy our bodies. There doesn't have to be any strings attached, but that should be made clear to him. If you want something more, then you can always explore that option as well if he's willing; if he's not, then he'll say so (if he has the integrity) and you'll know where you both stand. Everything will be clear, in the open and you won't have to deal with uncertainties.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    153

    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by Death the Kid View Post
    If you're having this much doubt and worry, then there's no point in putting yourself through more of this. Perhaps you two could just be friends or acquaintances and not let it progress beyond that. This is win-win because you ditch the anxiety and you gain a friend.
    This^

    Several years ago I dated a man who was about 30 years older than me. It went really well at first. You'd be surprised how much you can have in common with someone that much older than you. As I said, everything went very well for a while and for several months it was wonderful. However, one day he started talking about getting married and having kids and it ocurred to me that our age differences would make him in his eighties when I was in my fifties.... We wouldn't grow old together. How old would our potential children be when he died? Assuming we both lived out typical lifespans? It hit home pretty hard that we really couldn't have a future together with children and that I would be alone without a husband long before I died.

    That being said, if you're just looking to have some fun, it could be great for you. I'd work on figuring out your motives first and then decide if you can live with the likely eventualities of being with someone significantly older than you.
    "Bubble, bubble, toil, and trouble, the sheep in the fields, the cow in the corn."
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Goddess country
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    38
    It sounds like going from merely texting and flirting to the Great Rite is a big jump. Why not date awhile, if you are interested in him, and see if that is really what you want to do? If he ispressuring you to do something you aren't comfortable with, that is a red flag. You sound uncomfortable with the situation, and you don't have to do anything unless you want to. Become empowered!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    St. Louis
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    1,101
    Quote Originally Posted by moonwitch View Post
    it sounds like going from merely texting and flirting to the great rite is a big jump. Why not date awhile, if you are interested in him, and see if that is really what you want to do? If he ispressuring you to do something you aren't comfortable with, that is a red flag. You sound uncomfortable with the situation, and you don't have to do anything unless you want to. Become empowered!
    this!! ^^^

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    West-by-God-Virginia
    Age
    30
    Posts
    662
    Thanks everyone. Your opinions really helped me. I figured out my feelings, and things are going back to the much more comfortable "friend zone" with no hard feelings on either end. Thanks so much!
    "Be evil--you smile more."

    --Brady, our beloved GM, during a WoD session.

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