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Thread: How do you connect with ghosts you *want* to see?

  1. #1
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    How do you connect with ghosts you *want* to see?

    I couldn't find a better forum for this, and it seems a lot of other threads focus on getting rid of ghosts. I guess my question is, if you WANT to connect with the ghost or spirit of someone who has passed on that you knew, how would you go about it?

    I've read a lot of the general information about connecting in your dreams, feeling their presence and so forth, but I was wondering if anyone has methods for reaching out to loved ones who have passed on, who are particularly close?

    In this instance, I am thinking particularly of my boyfriend, who committed suicide last month. I have a number of close items of his (t-shirts he wore that I now wear), a necklace he gave me, and words he wrote me tattooed on my ribs in his handwriting. His mother was very close with him, and has had a few "experiences", but I have only had one: the first night after I found out, I dreamt I was lying on his lap against him, begging him to come back, and he didn't reply - it felt very vivid and different from other dreams I've had of him (quite a lot). I would do anything to hear from him again, and so I've been trying to learn what I can. I've also read a lot of conflicting advice about Ouija boards, mainly that they'd very broad-spectrum and can pick up any spirit, a bit like a spiritual chat roulette, rather than being a specific line to the person you wish to speak to.

    Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated!
    ~ the moon goes dark, and chaos has come again ~

    I was a creature before I could stand

    all this pain is an illusion

  2. #2
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    Sounds like you got the Kiss of passing or his Kiss of good Bye, basically the same thing just different terms, which is not uncommon. My question though is why would you want to trap his spirit to this earthy dimension and prevent its crossing over? Basically trapping his spirit in an earthly hell where it can't drop the hurts and bindings that caused it to suffer.

    Don't know when he dropped his earthly garb but for many people he's gone into his year of releasing his earthly bonds now and all that is required to cross over. That he was bale to give his kiss of good bye many times means he is at rest with the person and at peace with them.

    I realize this is not the answer your looking for but personally I can't assist in the one if it's only to help hurt the other.

  3. #3
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    I understand what you're saying; I've thought about that, and I don't want to keep him here, I just wanted to be able to contact him if he is here. I've not heard of the kiss of passing etc.; he didn't kiss me in the dream, only held me and I felt like he was sad that he couldn't come back to me as I wanted but didn't want to say "no" aloud. So, yeah, I don't want to keep him here, I want him to be happy. But if he is here, I wanted to get an idea of if there were ways I could contact him.
    ~ the moon goes dark, and chaos has come again ~

    I was a creature before I could stand

    all this pain is an illusion

  4. #4
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    I wrote this some time ago for another site maybe it will help you

    Kiss of Goodbye or Kiss of Passing


    Not really sure of the reason but this has come up again on another board so I though I would touch upon it here as well as a new topic.


    I'm not sure what the actual term is called but the way I understand and have come to know it as is "The Kiss of Goodbye" or "The Kiss of Passing". What this basically is, is that final touch or kisses that a departing spirit gives to those it has loved in this life cycle. It may actually be a physical kiss that is placed upon the cheek or forehead of the person being kissed or by some means to let them know they have died. For instance with my grandfather it was the appearance of his coffin upon my bed in the barracks when he died. I saw him in the coffin for just a few seconds but knew at that point that he had died.


    Now sometimes the kiss is not so apparent to us as to realize it has taken place. Many times in those instances we realize it has occurred when we are at the service and have a sense of detachment while we view it. We know loss and sense of their loss but for some reason we also feel nothing. Now that sense of nothing is not to be confused with the deeper sense of paralysis that covers some at the viewing and they are simply unable to release their emotion at that time.


    Sometimes the Kiss of Passing may also come in the form of an apparition of the person that we see as I describe above with my grandfather. Yet other times it is the living apparition of the person that other's see as well and are positive that the person was just there. Not quite as common as other's but it is reported through history as having occurred. One of the most well known examples being the friends and family of Admiral Nelson at his home in England even as he was dying in the battle of Trafalgar. That was his Kiss of Passing or Kiss of Goodbye and seen by a large number of people.


    It is my belief that the phrase to kiss them goodbye and let them go originates from this occurrence. That it has crossed over into the modern world in the sense of kissing someone goodbye when they are leaving our presence and we do not know when we shall see them again.


    I also believe that the Kiss of Passing or Kiss of Goodbye also serves to disconnect our combined spirits. I believe that those we love and are connected to may also feel our passing through that connection. It is a vibration they feel about us and a knowing through that vibration that we are alive. Yet when we pass that vibration ceases to be in an active state and becomes a memory state. In normal situations the connection is simply released as the cord is dropped and we simply have the memories of the person. This is the normal occurrence of events, however it is not the only thing that can or does happen.


    In some situations we so aggressively or passionately cling to the deceased that the cord becomes reversed. What was once a cord that conveyed a sense of their presence then becomes an anchor that holds part of their spirit trapped upon the Earth Plain. Our very love keeping them here and preventing their spirit or soul from crossing the veil and moving on. It is this reverse of attachment and clinging that I believe causes the sensation of thinking that our passed love ones return occasionally to watch over us. A situation not to be confused with uncompleted earthly task or commitment to family by a spirit essence that has chosen to remain.


    Many cultures through out the world have taken various means of releasing the cord once the Kiss of Passing has been given. Some morn for a few days, some for upwards of a year with a spirit house created to house the departed soul. Other's create spirit bodies to house the essence of their ancestor's and keep it as a heirloom to be passed down and used to call upon in times of need. Some release them to the ground but then honor their ancestors annually through ancestor worship and observances.


    Yet regardless of the manner of release it all starts with the Kiss of Passing or Kiss of Goodbye.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by katywinter View Post
    I understand what you're saying; I've thought about that, and I don't want to keep him here, I just wanted to be able to contact him if he is here. I've not heard of the kiss of passing etc.; he didn't kiss me in the dream, only held me and I felt like he was sad that he couldn't come back to me as I wanted but didn't want to say "no" aloud. So, yeah, I don't want to keep him here, I want him to be happy. But if he is here, I wanted to get an idea of if there were ways I could contact him.
    There are always ways of contacting the spirit but regarding actually seeing it that is another matter. I suppose I should clarify that with actually seeing it with the waking eyes and directly face on with the clarity of the living.

    But one of the biggest questions is does the Spirit of the departed want to be seen and communicate with you? If it's a fresh departure then it might but as time moves away from the death date you may find that desires lessens unless it has unfinished tasks. Well that or it is earth bound as a self imposed / professed protector for its family. If that is the case then it's a different scenario as the motivations and driving factors are different than a spirit that has simply dropped it's earthly garb.

    However, while there might be a desire to communicate with the living for some there is the lingering echo of pain. They are no longer in physical pain but they remember it like it is real. They carry it with them and that aspect of the flesh has not been stripped away yet so it's dulled but not gone. You see that in some violent ghost encounters where the fear and pain was so great that even though the spirit is separated from the body the pain continues and the spirit is trapped in that pain.

    You can summon and / or trap the spirit but i'd not recommend that aspect. Rather a negative type of practice though you see it referenced in curse magics and such, see it on a lot of defixiones (curse tables) during the roman and Greek periods where a person commands the dead or asks the gods / goddesses (chthonic type) to bring the spirits to do some bidding for them). You can also call or summon, intentionally or unintentionally, by using something that the deceased once owned and held as a strong possession. One of the reason people used to give away all their stuff before they died so no part of their spirit would be earth bound by an earthly object and bound to it. Inversely why family heirlooms at times are seen to hold so much power and connection to certain members of the family as their spirit or fragment of their spirit is attached to the item.

    Because of that connection you can use psychometry at times to "Connect" to both a person's past and to their spirit by holding an object that belonged to them. The more meaningful the item, the deeper the connection to the item the person had. However, connecting to the "echo or memory" is far easier than connecting to the spirit fragment that is associated with it. That and the spirit fragment may or maynot be a full spiritual soul of the person though the thread that ties the fragmet to the person will lead to the person, even if the person has died. But your crossing into necromancy once they've died and different energy.

    Like I said it can be done but the bigger question is "Is your need important enough to do it" and what it will do to the crossed / deceased spirit.

  6. #6
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    Don;t know if it would help but something else you might find helpful, perhaps not at this moment but later on. I wrote this as a generic ritual / ceremony

    ................................................

    Memorial to a passed family member


    This is just my mind wandering and putting things together so just be for warned.


    If I were doing this I would make a sacred spot in the woods or upon the edge of the woods. Starting at a liminal time I would light a large white candle to represent the spirit and the purity of it. I would place this candle on a raised platform of some sort so it is higher than the ground where I would make a small fire. Since it is in honor and remembrance of a person I would light the fire pit from the flame of the white candle.


    Then I would light a green candle to recall the beauty of their birth and youth as they grew to manhood / womanhood. Remember and recall the things that remind you of him / her from that time. Perhaps write them down upon a sheet to offer to his / her spirit to show that you do recall and think of him / her in the purity of youth.


    Then I would light a yellow candle to mark the emergence of youth and energy as he / she grew to early manhood / womanhood and started upon the road of man. Do the same thing write out things that stand out that are important or show who he / she was and how you viewed him / her as a younger sister / brother. Feed those to the flame as well to let the spirit know.


    I would also light a brown or black candle to show the things that brought him / her down. It should be smaller than the others should be and sat lower down for though they caused his / her demise they still were lesser compared to the things he / she did and the love he / she brought forth. Tell him / her via the flame of paper how you hate the things that brought him / her down but not him / her personally. How they can never mar the greater beauty of his / her youth and shinning light.


    I would light a blue candle to mark the depths of the spiritual unknown and the ripples that will move across the currents of time like a ripple upon the waves. Mark the ripples that will continue and the spirit that is carried forward through the remembrance of him / her, his / her children if any, his / her friends, things that ripple onward and outward like the waves upon a deep set water.


    Set the colored candles just below the white candle for they are the facets of his / her life and spirit. They show the start, the middle, and the physical end yet the continued spectral ripples that move ever outward never fading though they may grow weaker across time.


    While the time of duration does not matter the liminal point opens the gateway to the veil to allow the spirits of your message and intent to cross over and be carried to him / her. That point where day is no longer day and night has not become night.


    Feed the fire but eventually let the flames turn to coals. Add water to the coals in small amounts to create steam and smoke and let the gods / goddesses write upon the steam and bring the images and words to you via the clouds of mist and smoke.


    If you desire feed the candles to the flames of the dying fire to consume and release the energy and memories associated with each phase of his / her life. Yet keep the white candle to hold as a marker in your home and heart of his / her spirit and the presence it holds upon you.


    In the end raise a toast of his / her favorite drink (does not mean it has to be alcohol) and toast to his / her spirit and the life he / she lived and the good things he / she brought forth to those that knew him / her. Leave a small amount to be used as a libation to the spirits of the land and place that watched and learnt of your brother / sister / father / mother / friend and his / her importance to the world.


    Lastly leave the kiss of a tear to mark the spot and the memories. Leave a kiss of tear upon the embers of the flame to be transmuted and carried to him / her in the spirit realm and perhaps the breathe of a kiss upon the smoldering embers to be carried as a remembrance upon the winds and taken to the four corners to convey you message and feelings.


    As an addition you might want to think about a straw man. The white candle would be at the point of the crown or head. The green candle would go at the point of the throat and heart. The yellow would go at the point of the base or groin. The black / brown about the level of the feet. The blue could actually go in a few possible spots, it could be placed upon a hand to mark the exchange and passing of touch, it could be placed just above the head to show the spiritual and ethereal that touches long after we are passed.


    Just off the top of my head so it might touch you or inspire you as the spirit may decide.

  7. #7
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    Thank you for all your replies. There's a lot to think on here. I'm surprised that more people don't have these questions here - perhaps it's just me!
    ~ the moon goes dark, and chaos has come again ~

    I was a creature before I could stand

    all this pain is an illusion

  8. #8
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    Truthfully I see these type questions more in paranormal or ghost hunter type groups than pagan type groups. I think on average pagan practices tend not to look at the afterlife in a lot of detail. Many pathways have really broad concepts of the afterlife or avoid the notions of death and crossing over.

  9. #9
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    I really feel for you and this might sound harsh but it is the truth. The soul of someone who has passed will only be aloud to speak to the living if it serves a purpose, even the most experienced mediums can't simply summon any spirit the want. I get to see the soul crossover to the next relm myself but that's it.. After a few seconds they are gone.. Sometimes we are lucky to have a farewell kiss on cheek or a wave as they stand at the bottom of the bed..
    But more often than not keeping contact with someone that means so much to you that you can't touch, hold, kiss isn't allowed because it will be like living in a nightmare..
    Trust me I know.. I wish I could take away your pain katywinter, but please believe me it's best for both of you that you keep the memories and try your best to move on.
    I know he will be hoping the same for you..

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mjolnir View Post
    .. even the most experienced mediums can't simply summon any spirit the want...
    That is the hardest part to get people to understand. One concept in modern paganism is that if you can imagine it then it is possible. Yet when it comes to dealing with the spirits of the dead that aspect does not apply. A crossed over Spirit is nearly beyond reach while an earthbound spirit may be reachable. Yet even an earthbound spirit may not realize it has passed into the realm of the dead and considers the living to be the actual ghost.

    From my perspective and opinion where it gets iffy is a spirit can be fragmented in life. As such parts may linger as earthbound aspects. Unfortunately just my own belief and opinion though shared by a few others a fragment can be created at death by a loved ones grief. They cling so desperately to the deceased possessions and attachments that a part can be torn away and trapped earthbound. We see the majority of the spirit cross over but those shards linger though still attached and those are what will have to be released over the wailing & mourning period. Then like a rubber band that is released they release the tension and the shard springs back to the spirit. Well that's what's supposed to happen but doesn't always happen.

    Had some interesting debates about what happens to the shard if the person doesn't release it during the wailing & mourning period. Heck had some debates about how long that period is though seems a year to fully drop the earthly garb is about average as a spirit keeper. Though some areas, especially some areas of Asia, they keep Spirit Houses, where the spirits of the dead live and are an active part of the populace and family. So calling upon the ancestors and even recent deceased is common and people are said to be able to raise the spirits of the dead regardless of how long they've laid in the ground. Yeah that sounds like I contradict what I said above but that is a different cultural perspective about death and how the spirit acts after death.

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