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Thread: When did you KNOW?

  1. #1
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    When did you KNOW?

    What was your Spiritually defining moment the lead you to your current path? I have had so many amazing experiences but I still doubt and find it difficult to just let go and believe. Let me tell you, I've been given plenty of reasons to believe. Sometimes I feel like a jerk for still questioning it all.

    Would love to read your experiences.

  2. #2
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    I grew up in a "Christian" household. We went to church once in a blue moon, we prayed at Thanksgiving, and we knew the Bible stories. When I was in college I was introduced to the student pagan organization, and for the next few years I was a Christian, a Christian witch, and then finally, one day about 2 years ago, I finally knew that while I honored Jesus as I knew him personally, that wasn't something I could identify with anymore. I had a dream (basically a "letting go" dream) and finally accepted that a different deity had claimed me as a child, and started calling myself pagan.
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  3. #3
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    Early on, pre-teen. I had a pretty fair idea that everyone was already on their own personal path, it was a matter of recognizing it as such. My parents were not very religious and I can't even recall a bible being in the house, but my great grandmother was a Presbyterian and took us (myself and 2 siblings) to church with her. I didn't get along with the sunday school teacher, too many questions she couldn't answer apparently. I spent a few years in missionette training, lotta bible study there. I remember borrowing from the group and being rewarded one at some point but honestly don't know where it went. Nothing struck me as true to the standards of life or religion as I was learning it at the time. I spent a lot of time as a more agnostic minded person through my later teens, not really convinced of the Christian version of deity or faith. I felt like there was something but couldn't really grasp it, certainly not through what I had learned so far. I was in the pacific northwest in a small town. People didn't seem that preachy in the area and there seemed to be a fair amount of open spirituality. I can't recall much religious posturing at least, perhaps adults keeping away from kids? Don't know, it was the late 70s in a liberal area.

    At any rate, through my teens I met a string of people from various religious backgrounds, non who pressed but most who were happy to discuss when asked. The more interesting ones were the spiritists (mediums) and spiritualists. I think something about their peace and happiness struck me as quite a good thing and perhaps the original point of religion that just got lost in the dogma. I ran across Wicca, or what was being peddled as such in 1990 while checking out a bookstore. I moved to the east coast that same year and started looking for a local spiritual store that was more open in pagan related spirituality. From there it was just a series of studies. I've been considering myself an Eclectic pagan for a number of years now.

  4. #4
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    I was in my 20's. Struggling with life. I attended a circle meeting locally just around Imbolc. I sat in that cirlce and I just *knew* I had found home.
    It's been minutes, it's been days. It's been all that I remember. <3

  5. #5
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    I read the sincerity in everyone's responses--it's beautiful. Thank you all for taking the time. For me I can't say "I Know", but I know the practice is the closest I have come to peace in my life. I grew up in a very strict Christian structure, but never felt any joy with it. I do sometimes lean toward Atheistic beliefs, so I am searching for answers. Your story mean the world to me, thank you.

  6. #6
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    I've read and re-read your posting and to be honest I can't answer it. It part because your question ask's "When did you know?" It's the type of question that sort of assumes or presumes a finality to the quest and that one has reached a destination upon their journey.

    My current path is constantly evolving and changing even though the pathway might seem stagnate at times. Yet the stagnation is due to my particular location upon it at any given moment not due to to having reached a destination or settled so firmly upon it that I have mastered all aspects of it. In some ways my pathway is like entering my car to drive to some destination. I am quite familiar with the workings of my car and what it takes to handle it. I know the road I am going to travel, yet I can not possibly know of all the travelers upon the road with me or how their actions may or may not influence me once I pull upon the highway. So each day is a new journey with new possibilities. At the end of the day nothing may have changed but until the day has ended I can't say what would be there. I have expectations and presumptions that my day shall continue as the days prior to that and a belief but until the day actually ends I can not state with authority that nothing changed. Yet if I am truly honest with myself then I have to admit it all changed for I lived another day and in living it I changed in someway, even if minor in that change.

    So actually I never really knew when it happened. I can imply I think it happened at some point in time but in truth that is presumption. Unless you experienced a catastrophic occurrence it's pretty much assumption that an event caused a change of course. It's like for me I died physically in my youth, my family always said that was the turning event in my life. That's the point the Spirits said my path was set and every action after that guided me to where I am at today. All the near death events, all the being alone even in a room full of people, walking in two worlds. Didn't matter I was only 1.5 years old at the time and would probably have 8 near death encounters by the time I was in my early teens.

    But I think your question also hangs upon the idea of are you speaking about spiritual or magical / occult? Like the old statement all Wiccan's are witches but not all witches are Wiccan's. Lots of people fall into the spiritual side of things, lots fall into the mystical side of things, some fall into the magical / occult side of things and some fall into a layering that is both spiritual / magical and mystical. Yet the layering may occur in such a way that they happen over time so one occurs years apart from the other and there is never a clear starting point between the categories. So that can cause great confusion for the person as they try to understand the things at work upon them.

    It's like I fall under the notion of being a shamanic practitioner which is a practice while my spiritual is more recon and Hellene based. Shamanic is a practice and truthfully does not have a spiritual aspect as the practitioner holds the religious / spiritual beliefs of the people he / she belongs to. It in and of itself has no divinity component to it though it does recognize a spiritual aspect of spirit world. So there basically are two competing cosmologies.

    Realizing at the end of each day I have changed but also stayed the same but there is no clear point where one can say this is the point where I know it started.

  7. #7
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    I think you just gave my heart and mind what it needed to reconcile where I'm at, and be OK with it (caveat: for now). Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me. Maybe it's perfectly OK to believe and doubt. Where am I at in this moment? Today I believe. Today I recognize that my heart is fuller when I believe. Today I’m good with that—tomorrow may be different, and that should be OK too.

    I have seen things that I cannot explain away. If they are real, then I have no choice but to accept a place in this universe; if these things aren’t real, I have no choice but to accept that I’m a stark raving lunatic.

    I’m a little torn. LOL
    If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
    ~ Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbs

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering_on_Purpose View Post
    I think you just gave my heart and mind what it needed to reconcile where I'm at, and be OK with it (caveat: for now). Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me. Maybe it's perfectly OK to believe and doubt. Where am I at in this moment? Today I believe. Today I recognize that my heart is fuller when I believe. Today I’m good with that—tomorrow may be different, and that should be OK too.

    I have seen things that I cannot explain away. If they are real, then I have no choice but to accept a place in this universe; if these things aren’t real, I have no choice but to accept that I’m a stark raving lunatic.

    I’m a little torn. LOL
    I wouldn't be to hard on yourself. Consider each day you walk through life answering the riddle of the Spinx, "What walks in the morning on 4 legs, the afternoon on 2 legs and in the evening on 3 legs?" Its answer is both wisdom and lunacy all at the same time for it reveals both humility and humbleness on one end and frailty and finality on the other. Figure the answer is human life as we pass from childhood to adulthood to oldage & death. Now if that isn't a ride that is both revealing and stark raving mad at the same time then I don't know what is.
    Last edited by monsnoleedra; January 30th, 2018 at 08:18 AM.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering_on_Purpose View Post
    I think you just gave my heart and mind what it needed to reconcile where I'm at, and be OK with it (caveat: for now). Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me. Maybe it's perfectly OK to believe and doubt.
    If there wasn't room for doubt then it would be knowledge not belief. Belief by nature always includes some potential for doubt.

    Now long periods of major doubt may be less common but they do happen and they can happen in surprising cases. They occasionally fall under the concept of "Dark Night of the Soul" and that happy experience can last for entirely too long.

  10. #10
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    I felt the tug when I was nine and wandered across a Wicca website. My mum encouraged me to look into it (with supervision), bought me books to read up on it, etc. It clicked with me.

    I knew my goddess when she literally spoke to me when I was 17. And I haven't looked back.
    "It's like a dream to try to remember but it's gone
    Then you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
    When you try to see the world beyond your front door"



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