Page 9 of 30 FirstFirst ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 19 ... LastLast
Results 81 to 90 of 299

Thread: SI support group?

  1. #81
    Iris's Avatar
     is offline has the right to eat chocolate
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    England, UK
    Age
    33
    Posts
    2,859
    Quote Originally Posted by blueiris
    Has anyone else told you just not to cut? My friend does it all the time. "Beth, just stop being so depressed." Because this is a choice.
    ARGH that used to drive me MAD! People would say things like "Cheer up." They don't understand that you CAN'T cheer up, you just CAN'T!!

    Anyway...interjecting into this thread, I hope no-one minds. I haven't been around recently so I haven't seen this thread until now. For a long time after I used to cut myself I had problems talking about it...but I think talking a little might be a healthy thing. Especially if it provides any sort of help or support for other people who might be facing the same thing.

    So *begin story* I suffered from depression a few years ago...paranoia, self-loathing, crying all the time...all that good stuff...and I started cutting myself...eventually I was hospitalised one night when my dad walked in on me cutting...it's been a few years since I did it. It stil crosses my mind from time to time but I just do my best to distract myself, and it goes away after a while...

    One thing I found to be really helpful...I don't know if this is going to sound stupid but whatever...I got my dad to hide the knives, the razors...anything sharp in the house...if I couldn't SEE them, somehow it was easier...outta sight outta mind I guess.

    With reference to the 'cutting is a cry for help' debate - personally, I think it WAS a cry for help for me...but I guess there are some people who cut purely for the sake of cutting. I haven't experienced that so I can't say much about it, but I think the motivation must depend on the individual.

    Aminta - You are doing so well! It's a difficult thing to do...I should know...stay strong and keep us all informed on your progress

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Somewhere on the dork side...
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,324
    I'm not sure how well I fit as a self injurer. Either borderline or messed up enough to appear like I'm on the far side of sane (that is a problem with circles )....

    I don't know when I started. It hasn't been too long.. a few months,maybe a year... that I've admitted to myself that I do this. This is pretty much the first place where I've admitted it to anyone else... I think I may have refrenced it in another post once. Mostly I've been an "accidental" injurer. I'd make jokes (haha, isn't it funny how all of my hobbies seem to to involve me getting hurt... stained glass, wood carving, etc) and claim I was clumsy. I dismissed my picking at self as just a quirk, nothing major.

    When I found myself unable to deny it to myself any longer, I found it wasn't as easily dismissed as I'd made it. I've plucked lots of body hair (sometimes patches, sometimes more scattered) including an entire eyebrow once (bare fingers). I've combed bald spots once or twice. I've dug/scratched at injures and skin blemishes and scrubbed my skin raw... I can't wear make up because the feel of it sets me off and I can't use pumice stones or lava soap: I've drawn blood with those. I gnaw or pick at finger and toenails down to the quick. I bite myself... haven't drawn blood yet, but I've chewed off chunks of skin (like arround my nails). Unless I am watching myself I can't handle sharp objects without being cut... I do stupid things. I run my fingers down the edge or simply cut unsafely. I leave dangerous objects in places pretty much guarenteed to get me... like broken glass on my bedroom floor. I usually end up touching the pan or burner every time I cook. I do things like stick my hands in the fire or candles. Some of the chances I take while driving also make me wonder. Lots of other questionable behavior that looks pretty self-distructive when all put together.

    Since admitting that much I've had a huge problem obsessing over it, craving it. I've managed to limit my "accidents." I haven't tried to control the plucking and such as much yet. But it is as if being aware of it has lifted a restriction on it. Before, I had to be somewhat subtle. Now that I am aware, that isn't as much of a concern. I really am drawn toward intentional cutting. At least once/twice a day (more, sometimes much more, if stressed) I find myself visualizing it... and I'm not bad at visualizing. I can feel the cuts and the blood. Taste it. Smell it. And there is a certain satisfaction in that, and in denying myself the actual cutting.

    So far the fact that I just don't express well is probably the main thing keeping me from slicing. It is just too visible... and the thought of having something that is a "cry for help" like that just makes me throughly nauseus. I can't deal with either the thought that people would notice and care or that they wouldn't notice and/or they wouldn't care. Either hits me equally hard.

    I haven't figured out if I want to try to get professional help. I'm honest enough to admit that I don't know hw to "fix" myself. But I won't go near psychiatrists. I'm downright phobic. And I don't really want to talk to family (I would get pressured into professional help.) And I don't really want to talk about it with friends. Not that I pass as sane all that well anyway, but this isn't something I really want to have shadowing those relationships... especially if they were "concerned"...would make me twitchier than anythng else could. I don't handle concern well.

    Anyway, thanks for providing me an opportunity to just kinda dump this all out there. I know I'm going to regret it in about ten minutes, but even just typing it out does really feel good.

    For those who do things like the plucking... I'm debating trying to stop. But I can't decide if I should focus on the bigger things first (plucking being relatively harmless) or if I'm just feeding it with the plucking. Any thoughts?
    "The facts do not change, but their order is given another dimension through another myth. They are experienced differently; they gain another tale."-James Hillman

    Justice is blind. A witch is not.

  3. #83
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Somewhere on the dork side...
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,324
    On the scar thing... I know I've seen products that claim to help, even with old scars, next to the bandaids and neosporian. Have you looked there? I haven't tried them, but they claim to be effective and fairly quick. Even if they just reduced the visability, added to the exfoliation (Baking soda is good... not only scrubs, makes the skin soft. But can cause breakouts) and the make up it could add up to something effective.
    "The facts do not change, but their order is given another dimension through another myth. They are experienced differently; they gain another tale."-James Hillman

    Justice is blind. A witch is not.

  4. #84
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    louisville, kentucky
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,953
    i don't have the time for a really thughtful response right now, but deepish wounds can be held together with band aid skin glue. no medical help needed, just make sure the wound is very clean before using it.



    eeew. kisses.

    (\_/)
    (O.o)
    (> <) This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

    if you feel like you know me, check out this link. i'ed like to see how i am viewed, and have a bit of reflection.

    http://kevan.org/johari?view=spookytooth

  5. #85
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    5,777
    Quote Originally Posted by Aminta
    Do you use these after the scar has formed? What do I use for deepish wounds that are still healing so they don't scar? If anyone knows.
    Hmmm...I think the oils will work either way...I've just googled 'healing scars' and here's a few links

    http://www.stretchmarks.com/It%20happened%20to%20me.htm

    http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...32/ai_89812935

    http://forums2.gardenweb.com/forums/...273422476.html

    http://www.suite101.com/discussion.c...therapy/101133
    "I believe we all suffer under a curse, the curse that we know more than we can bear, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do about the force and lure of this curse." Vittorio -Vittorio the Vampire by Anne Rice

  6. #86
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    traveling between Discordia and Hogsmeade
    Age
    29
    Posts
    963
    This is going to be really long, just as a warning.
    I've been using a scar reduction cream on my arms every night, because I've only been self injuring on my legs the past few months so the burns/cuts on my arm are all healed. The cream really hasn't done anything at all.
    I hadn't self injured in two weeks until last Friday. I was stressed, upset and hysterical over nothing, and suddenly I was in a state of frenzy. I had to find my small box of matches that I use only for burning, and I couldn't find them anymore. I ran madly around the house, crying and screaming (I was home alone) looking for the matches, until I found another box of matches that I used. As soon as I burned, I calmed down and could think clearly. Has anyone ever been like this?
    I've noticed that when I don't self injure, I do other things that sort of make up for it, mainly not eating. I will force myself not to eat - and I don't really know why. All I know is that since I've tried to stop SI, I've become obsessed with my weight (I already lost ten pounds this year due to my depression) and have dropped two pounds in the past week from not eating. When I finally burned last Friday, I wasn't so concerned with my weight anymore, but now it is a rising concern again. I'm not overweight at all - I weigh 103 pounds and am 5'1" - but I've been checking my weight, on average, five or six times a day and freaking out if I've gained anything. I guess it's like, if I can't control my SI, I can control my weight and make myself feel better that way.(?)
    Anyway, Ember, I pick at my skin and bite myself sometimes too.
    with peace, blueiris
    Thank youyou Menolly and WynnJera for the banners!

    I wish: I want to stay here
    I wish: this be enough
    I wish: I only love you
    I wish: simplicity
    - Bjork - -my blog-

  7. #87
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    5,777
    Hi everyone. I'd like to come in here to help people. I'm a former cutter and I think I have some of the answers you are looking for. I understand what it is like to feel so crazy and frustrated and angry that the only release is pain or self destruction. I am a bit bossy and forthright at times, but if I annoy you or offend you with anything I say from this point please tell me, and please understand I do not mean offense, I mean only to help.
    This said, when I have a few more minutes I will got through this and try to provide some answers for you. I am on the net most weekdays, for those in the states it will be arvo/night time for you when I am here, please feel free to PM me at anytime and I will reply A.S.A.P, ditto to this thread.

    My sister Elfmage started this thread with excellent intentions and I have previously stayed away as much as possible to give her space, but she has said she doesn't mind if I come here since I have experience.

    *Applauds Elfmage for starting this much needed thread*
    Love and to you all - Kati :smoochypo
    Last edited by QUEEN OF THE DAMNED; May 23rd, 2005 at 12:40 AM.
    "I believe we all suffer under a curse, the curse that we know more than we can bear, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do about the force and lure of this curse." Vittorio -Vittorio the Vampire by Anne Rice

  8. #88
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Somewhere on the dork side...
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,324
    Blueiris:

    On the weight thing... I'm the opposite. I either get into a perfectionist pickiness where nthing is right/good enough and that is when I start picking/digging/obbessing or I get rather apathetic. I just don't let myself (and that is what it feels like, like it is an actively chosen apathy) care at all about anything. Weight issues are worst at the same time I'm at my worst in other ways.

    And yes... the thinking clearly is definately something I've noticed.


    General... ugg... I'm twitchy at the moment. I did something stupid. I decided to challenge myself. I used a chemical hair remover on the places I pluck most... figured it would be a way to break that habit. I followed the instructions, but something went wrong and I burned my face a bit (think bad sunburn, most of it.) I'm trying to fight digging at the scabs on the worst parts (and not having much luck... I keep catching myself after I've removed pieces... It wasn't bleeding when it happened, but it has bled since) and picking at the skin. I also keep reaching for (the now non-existant) arm hair. Fortunately I don't have much in the way of fingernails, because the response to not finding it has been a digging-pinch thing. All in all, bad idea to get rid of the hair I think.
    "The facts do not change, but their order is given another dimension through another myth. They are experienced differently; they gain another tale."-James Hillman

    Justice is blind. A witch is not.

  9. #89
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Somewhere on the dork side...
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,324
    Something I've been thinking about... and debating if this is really the best place to ask it. On one hand, it isn't something I really want to ask people who are likely to have an understanding of it just being about wanting to hurt yourself (and that that equals bad.) On the other hand, I don't know if I'm just trying to justify something that isn't really justifiable (at least not in this way) and if asking it here is a bad idea because it will provide some sort of justification to others....

    I spend a lot of time fighting myself. Either actively stopping short of what I want to do, or tangling myself in enough apathy that I can't do it or redirecting it. And I'm wondering if the best answer might not just be to let myself do what I want to do. If maybe it is something I need, and if I just conciously step up to it, do it under my terms, maybe I can get past it. Put myself in control rather than the reactionary fighting of it I'm doing now where it is setting the terms.

    I'm also wondering if that is just an excuse to do it, and if it is more likely to just lead to the same situation with a new elevated level of injury. If it will just make things worse.

    It seems to be a natural enough human response. Just about ever culture I've looked into has something that fits. I'd have a lot to draw on for that, to make it a ritual and so give it some boundries. Thing is, in those cultures it had a place and so could be dealt with. But our culture rejects the idea so thoroughly it makes many of them problematic. I would have to do it alone, and in secret... I don't think that it would matter for the ritual itself other than if I made a mistake and hurt myself more than intended. If I do this, I don't want someone trying to stop me but I also want some backup just in case (I'm not suicidial.) I especially don't want to end up involuntarily commited somewhere as a "danger to myself or others" as a result of someone (meaning well) trying to stop me.

    I don't know. Thoughts?
    "The facts do not change, but their order is given another dimension through another myth. They are experienced differently; they gain another tale."-James Hillman

    Justice is blind. A witch is not.

  10. #90
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    5,777
    Quote Originally Posted by -Ember
    I spend a lot of time fighting myself. Either actively stopping short of what I want to do, or tangling myself in enough apathy that I can't do it or redirecting it. And I'm wondering if the best answer might not just be to let myself do what I want to do. If maybe it is something I need, and if I just conciously step up to it, do it under my terms, maybe I can get past it. Put myself in control rather than the reactionary fighting of it I'm doing now where it is setting the terms.
    You can do that and you can get past it by doing that. That post was very astute, you've obviously been thinking about this alot lately and that to me signifies the beginning of the end of your self destructive tendancies. It signifies that you want to stop, and that you understand that what you are doing to your body is not a good, healthy thing for you. That was the point I was at when I induced my self control and stopped succumbing to the urges to hurt myself. Once you get your mind around the idea that you want to stop and think aboutthe reasons for stopping then you can take control. And once you have stopped for a while you will find the urges will decrease rapidly. I wont say that the urges go away, and that the insanity and rage go away, but they will decrease because you will have ceased to dwell on it. I still get urges sometimes, but I can refrain comfortably now. I haven't cut for 3 or so years.
    What do you think about what I have said?
    "I believe we all suffer under a curse, the curse that we know more than we can bear, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do about the force and lure of this curse." Vittorio -Vittorio the Vampire by Anne Rice

Page 9 of 30 FirstFirst ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 19 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •