Having trouble dealing with ex's infidelity

[brymble]

I already posted about this in energy requests, here:
http://mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=225073

I'm having a very hard time accepting and dealing with this. Right now the pain seems unbearable. It's so hard letting go; we were so happy just a short time ago and now the sense of betrayal is just overwhelming. It's 4:30 in the morning, and I'm in so much agony I can't sleep. I loved him so much.

I'm struggling to stay present and deal with what's just in front of me right now. During the day I have the distractions of the children and practical concerns but what is in front of me right now is a quiet hotel room, no sleep and endless racing thoughts of pain. How do I get through the night?

Edited to add a thought for my poor neighbors. Can you imagine staying in a swanky hotel for the holidays and being stuck in a room next to a depressed insomniac who loves banjo music?

[brymble]

goddammit it hurts so much

[TeamTwig]

I'm so, so sorry.

The end of a relationship is never a pleasant experience, especially when it ends badly because of something that one of the partners has done. I know that it may sound chliche, but you will be better off without him. Anyone that could betray your trust like that is not worth having around, and you (and your children) deserve better.

[LunarSoldier]

It sounds tough but try and be strong for your children. They've been hurt and I feel sorry for them. Don't think that your Yule has been totally ruined because of what happened. You can make it through. Also try to make Yule something for the kids. Even if it wouldn't be the same if you lived in a secure home, they need to know that the Yule spirit is around.

You've learned a very important lesson and you're better off without such a callous man as him. Btw was he pagan? I ask because there are no details about his character (his faith if he has one, any past trouble like crime and drug abuse, mental stability, attitude in general). If it's okay can you give a brief description of what he's like?

Winter blessing to you and your dear kids

[aranarose]

Let it hurt. Because it's going to. And fighting it won't do anyone any good at all.

Cry. Scream if you have to. Write him letters that he'll never receive.

And above all, know that it's not your fault. It's not because of you. It's him. And only him.

[Caitlin.ann]

[orangeconey]

May you and your family find peace soon.

[Kalika]

I understand that you're going through a rough time. Infidelity is always tough to deal with, and it tends to lead to future trust issues whether you want it to or not. Not to mention the pain it causes in the here and now.

Remember a couple of weeks ago when you posted this: http://mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=224441 ?

You were thinking about leaving. You thought you were breaking up. Which also means that things weren't perfect. You were unhappy, realized it, and knew that a change needed to be made. You were taking the steps.

I'm not saying this to be rude about it - I'm saying it because you need to remember. It is easy to look back on things with rose-tinted glasses when you're slapped with something like the fact that your partner was cheating on you right under your nose. Things usually seem better at first in retrospect, but once you get past the anger and grief and the "why me" phase, and "how could you", you realize that they weren't so great and there was a reason you felt the things you felt at the time.

So grieve, get mad, throw things if you have to - then pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get back to YOUR plans. You and your children are what is important now, not the two-timing ex.

[brymble]

Originally Posted by LunarSoldier

Btw was he pagan? I ask because there are no details about his character (his faith if he has one, any past trouble like crime and drug abuse, mental stability, attitude in general). If it's okay can you give a brief description of what he's like?

Winter blessing to you and your dear kids

Thank you.

He's Jewish agnostic. He went to juvie when he was a teen for participating in someone else's drug deal. He used to have a problem with pot (I'm for legalization, but I'm also for RESPONSIBILITY) and he was not a responsible user. Now he's addicted to 12-step programs, therapy and self-help recovery groups, and honestly, the way he uses them, I think they're just as bad for him as the drugs. He is emotionally unstable, and on medications. Doesn't sound like a prince. But he was there for us every day, and he was so good with the children, who adored him. Until he abandoned us all. We loved him so much, and it's so hard. We were in couple's counseling,and he violated the terms we agreed on to pursue this woman.

[meowmeow]

It has to hurt, because that's how we get rid of the pain..